There’s no big secret that some people are predominantly all alone just about all the time, however we can all be “all alone” at certain times within the bigger picture, i.e. we have families, partners, and real friends but, it’s just that for whatever reason we feel isolated, and although these are temporal phases they enter our lives and just as quickly leave them too. There is that “alone-ness” that hits predomintly single people of an age of approximately 30+ and is more evident in women than men as women respond more emotionally to such a situation than men do, and it affects their mental stance on life and outlook. Then there are those who are alone because they believe they are not understood, well, that can be true also, it can also mean that you are selfish and self centred and things aren’t going your way. And there are those who feel alone because circumstances for whatever reason have either overtaken them or have not been conducive to incorporate them into a more wholesome environment that’s conducive to who they are and fits their mental temperament such as the old and infirm. And wandering aimlessly are those who are just lonely souls by nature, can’t find a hook upon which to hang their coat, can’t find a mate because deep within that feeling of having someone else in life never just quite catches on, the eternal lonely person. Loneliness can also be something which is selfishly created, there are many who by their own nature are mean, they not only just cannot give (yet they think they are generous for some reason) but don’t see self meanness as a part of whom they are. Meanness is not necessarily monetary in value, it’s giving time, effort, help, knowledge, just listening (which is an art), it’s a quality value that humans give to other deserving humans at times. The more people give of themselves the better they commune with life and the more open minded they are and knowledgeable they are as well as have elevated degrees of compassion and understanding. Lonely people take offence, are usually politically correct, have defined and stilted views, are self reliant, and self centred to a high degree, view life as a necessary option, i.e. I might I might not, whereas the person who is giving will be more decisive yet understanding at what they are acceding to.
Creators, scientists, artists, writers, etc, can be loners, even if in a good partnership, often their dedication is a pathway which cannot be shared with others until completion, and then for them completion is an ongoing event, as there is always a new frontier ahead that needs working upon or seeing to. The road for many in life can be fraught even if success is evident en-route, the inner self and soul are at times poles apart as is the mental satisfaction that many seek but never really grasp, as it for some reason always appears out of reach. Intelligence more than education is a crucial aspect to understand where one is in life, and where education can define intellectual goals and scenarios it can also create rifts of conjecture that like chasms are so deep that crossing them is almost a step too far and thus life always has something missing and is always that degree under-performing and always just missing that feeling of completeness in the pit of your stomach. Loneliness by far is self created, circumstances preclude some from making contact with others, but for the vast majority of people loneliness is either by design or default, either way it’s you who is the instigator of not communing with others, no one will believe the excuses that are self created either. Effort of all kinds has to be put into life, being shy or not very effusive doesn’t preclude one for living a life that’s full on, it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s not important it’s not everyone that has to live your life, nor you theirs. Hiding behind being misunderstood or not mixing with the right people isn’t an option either, the only option other than physical circumstances is that of death itself, everything else has a level of convergence and if that’s rejected and rejected and rejected then the inner self will eventually lose the ability to respond to other humans at any level and then the rot sets in.
Loneliness has it’s dark side, apart from creating instability, it can grossly affect one’s equilibrium and mental health, from there onwards life is a toil, one can become self interested, cranky, set in one’s ways, isolated, self consumed, and even lose the touch to forming any real friendship because one is so used to the me, me, me, effect that there is never any room for anyone else no matter what level, it’s all mental self talk of “why should I” and one is then ostracised from enjoying life, it’s a rush to always get back home, home is the womb of safety and talking to oneself as there is no one else to share life with. Our friendships develop over our lives, some people we hold on to for days or just the holiday season, others months, some years and some a lifetime. And some who we had known for almost an entire lifetime suddenly departs without a trace or the magic just wanes and they become almost strangers all over again. Acquaintances over time can be very dear, and whilst there may not be the greatest camaraderie between the both parties there is a trust and reliability that counts for a great deal and provides that pivotal aspect of humanity which helps everyone in life move forward with a better inner feeling of life and degrees of happiness, even if most is of a past era. The short time we have on planet earth needs to be fuelled with all that’s good, and that has to be shared at whatever level with others, even if the mix of those that only share parts of our lives is far far greater than those which share a lot of our lives. Whatever we choose to share is down to us, but it’s self comforting to share a degree of warmth as that’s reciprocated and inwardly absorbed and pacifies our inner self, which is crucial to feeling content and not on edge or just killing time because there’s nothing better or else to do, which is all too uncommon.
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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2010