There’s nothing new when it comes to relationships although you would would think it’s something hot off the press taking into account the amount of books on the subject and courses being run helping people supposedly get a relationship or make what they’ve got better. Most people want a relationship whether straight, gay or anything in between, people want a significant other in their lives and for some just having a “best mate” or “girlfriend” can fulfill that role quite well, sometimes even better than a partner. It may not do much on the emotional side sex wise but for all other areas it often ticks most of the boxes without strings or repercussions.
Relationships are not the proverbial 50/50 split, they are what they are 70/30, 60/40, 10/90, as long as it all adds up to 100% and it works for you, both of you. The ideology of a relationship, not taking into account media stuff where people fall out of bed one day and end up in another the next and in between live in rehab and see shrinks to tell them that’s it’s all right. It’s just so easy today to shack up with someone else to “see how it goes” and end up with a series of “have a go” relationships based upon infatuation, economies of money, convenience and it’s better to have someone to go out with than be perpetually on your own. But the base line is you are part of a structured scenario of on going relationship failures, and the common denominator in all those relationships is yourself, not the other partner, you. It’s you who has failed endlessly because despite what you think you didn’t put enough into any of them to make a real go of it, unless of course you are a flop at finding decent people, which some are, but that says a lot about you.
A real relationship, not a designer one where two wealthy people get together and plan life, children, by age and style etc still want their own space, the coldness of life persists there and causes emotional problems and lots of affairs too. But a real relationship changes two people who were previously “I” or “me” or “my” and it now becomes “us” or “we” or “ours”, you are a couple, a singular word describing two people, a sinle unity of two, surprise surprise. All this modern “I need my space” is tantamount to failure before it starts. There’s no reason why when hitched as a couple each one can’t still indulge in their activities of gym, sports, football, shopping, old friends, etc, hey life is a communion with others not a journey into reclusive habits. But mutual understanding and above all LOVE, let’s say it again LOVE works its magic and melds all of those singular traits into something unique warm and fabulous. Where couple want to be together becaue they love each other, they want to share and care, and yes stresses do occur and people like peace and quiet, but the bottom line is they WANT their other half full stop.
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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2010