It’s strange really that the biggest hurts we can get are from the smallest of things, it’s not often that big things that can topple us as we seem to get to grips with whatever it is, it’s the small things, the little indiscretions, forgetfulness, snide remarks, inferences, it can in fact be anything, and we all get upset about different things. What one person may think is fine another may take to task and brood over it for an age. Of course there are two sides to every story, and it’s not always the instigator of the misdemeanor or thoughtlessness that is the culprit, it could be the totally self centred and selfish attitude of the recipient who thinks about themselves more than anyone else, so when things don’t go quite as expected they get upset, this is not an uncommon situation. Some people are naturally thoughtful and others are not, in fact some are down right thoughless which doesn’t make them bad people but possibly a little infuriating to be with. We also must be true and honest with our-self too, if we do things and expect a reciprocation because of it we are not as nice as we think we are, goodness should not have an afterthought nor await a hidden or expected deed from someone else to ‘balance’ things out, life isn’t like that. It may well be that others do reciprocate but that’s more from who they and their own thoughtfulness and not from an unread duty or condition.
Having said all of that we all like to feel wanted and appreciated, especially by certain people, again some people are more demonstrative than others so pure deeds and thoughts do not necessarily denote greater affection or deeper empathy or anything else we may like to read into it. Some people are naturally effusive and kind others are naturally reticent and reserved or is it just plain mean, so we have to find out who we are as to how we view any kind of action towards us. The bottom line however is that most of us respond to kind deeds and personal kind deeds at that, those touches of thoughtfulness and empathy which strikes us within with that warm and pleasant feeling and it can be from anyone. Between our loved ones and best friend(s) we expect that a certain degree of thoughtfullness exists because they are special, even though the deeds done to each other may be somewhat uneven, never the less we know what each other does for the other is well meant and purposeful and personal and comes from a good place. We don’t need to lose our cool if others don’t do as we would do, what they do do could be all they can, and if that’s the case then for them it’s 100%, and you can’t inflict on to others what you feel is right or not, if you do you are no better than what you are trying to correct. So many people get upset and hurt at what they think others should do or shouldn’t’t that they almost shoot themselves in the foot getting physically annoyed at the fact.
Anything done from the heart is good, there’s no value to how much or how often as it depends upon the person andf circumstances, anything that’s done to “butter someone up” is divisive even if the gesture is nice in itself, you don’t have to work out if you’ve been in that situation or not. Relationships with our partners holds different values than they do with our friends or acquaintances or colleagues, and it’s possible that our best friend is more outgoing with doing “little things” for us than our partner, but that in no way suggests that our partner doesn’t love or think of us any less or that our best friend thinks about us more, and if we start to “emotionally blackmail” our partner saying “why don’t you do this or that” like so and so, it really spells out what a selfish and self centred and shallow person we are deep down, we show our real true colours. In fact anyone who uses emotional blackmail at whatever level isn’t a good person at all, they are usually good at telling lies and feigning tears or emotions to get what they want. If you are ever in doubt about doing a good deed for someone, do it, even if they don’t or possibly can’t acknowledge it as such, just do it for you, often the doing of the deed elevates the self way beyond the ‘ordinary’ aspects of life and that is always a good thing, never be ordianry always exceed the norm that way you’ll always have a positive presence in life.
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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2010